EightBlack.

Sometimes you have no choice but to laugh.

Take for instance our current search for a new geek. We think we are an ok place to work. Cool projects. Meals provided, transport paid for and your choice of PC to work on (as long as its a Mac). There’s a constantly stocked coke fridge and if you want, we’ll fit an intravenous drip from the espresso machine to either arm.

We also pay above standard.

You don’t even have to send a CV or Resume. We just want you to follow some simple instructions. Like this.

But do you think the people who have applied have bothered to read our ad. Well, let me share with you just one of the responses…

“HR Manager,

Dear Sir / Madam,

Application for the post of web Developer

I have been delighted to be made aware of vacancies for Java Developer at your reputed Organization and hereby wish to make my application to join your team.

I graduated in September 2005 with a Second Class (First Division) in BSc (Hons) Information Systems from the Manchester Metropolitan University, U.K. My educational background has covered aspects of programming, systems analysis and design, database systems. Apart from that I have studied concepts of communication networks, concepts of operating systems and practically implemented some artificial intelligent techniques.

From my final year dissertation and working experience during the industrial placement, I developed a strong interest in software development and developed the competency required to handle software projects. My previous experience in software development, combined with my interest in software development will enable me to work as an effective team member of your Organisation.

I have hereby attached my CV for your perusal. I would be glad to appear for an interview at a time of your preference for further discussion.

I hope you would find a position in software development in your organisation, where I can serve to the best of my capabilities based on the skills I possess and with great dedication to be a partner of the future successful endeavours of your organisation. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,

“xxxx”

We specifically said no CV. No letter. And if you really did want to write, we even let you know who to address the letter to (I didn’t even know we had a HR department until this person wrote to it).

In the 3rd paragraph of their letter, this person states: “I have studied concepts of communication networks, concepts of operating systems and practically implemented some artificial intelligent techniques”.

It’s a pity that they didn’t “practically implement some artificial intelligence into their own tiny brain…” instead of working out how to perform this manouvre on an unsuspecting farm animal.

Or something like that.

Safe to say that we haven’t been overly impressed with the candidates to date. I for one think that maybe we placed the ad in the wrong section (like the one for the visually impaired or people with severe learning disabilities). It’s the only explanation.

But those recruitment people are something else. They’ve been calling the office like someone who has just been told they’ve won tattslotto (or to call their doctor urgently).

Man, are those guys persistent.

So if you know of anyone who can read and follow instructions (like the ones in the ad), will you let them know we’re looking for someone. Preferably someone who can stand upright, speak english and is smarter than the average kitchen appliance.

I sure would appreciate it.