EightBlack.

Something happened over this past weekend that caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand up and simultaneously, the blood drain from my face. I’ll tell you “why” in a minute. But first some background.

Some inventive 16 year old unwashed youth, who lives Melbourne’s outer suburbs - decided to have a party. No big deal. It is but the stuff that pubescent dreams are made of. Beer. Girls. More beer. A lot of swearing. And a lot of running around after girls, wondering why they won’t talk while being grunted at.

Mum and Dad were conveniently interstate. Which is sort of really where it all went pear shaped. Any parent, who leaves a 16 year old boy with access to the internet and his mobile phone and then says in the most sternest of voices on the way out “Now, listen, your father and I love you very much and we trust you”, is a complete moron. Saying, “Do not have a party and no more than 2-3 friends over to visit, okay?” is like asking Britney Spears not to do anything stupid when she leaves the house.

Or something as equally pathetic.

However this was no ordinary party. My take on it was that it was decided at the last minute. And all done with a few strokes of a keypad.

You’ve got to give the 16 year old some credit. Because he managed to get 500 of his closest “friends” to come over.

Naturally, 500 teenagers, all battling puberty (lets face it, they have no clue as to what’s happening inside their body and some are just grateful for the ride), and all together in the one place, is a recipe for disaster. In this case, a teenage “Tsunami”.

And now the police are all up in arms because a couple of their cars got all beat up, the airwing had to be called, the dog squad, and a lot of other teams with long, politically correct names - all arrived to dispel the mistaken youths exuberance.

Our beloved Police Commissioner, who is connected to todays youth in much the same way as George Bush is connected to the english language, has launched a full scale investigation into how this could happen. The silly cow even wants to send the bill for the damage to the parents. In fact, the headline in todays paper read,

POLICE are investigating how social networking websites, email and SMS messaging may have been used to draw a crowd of up to 500 teenagers to a house party, hosted by a 16-year-old boy while his parents were interstate.

How it happened? You’re not serious.

It’s sort of why they call it social networking isn’t it. And you can bet Optus and the other carriers in Australia were laughing all the way to the bank as their SMS meters ran like they were powered by Uranium. The “Twitter” server in Australia would have been lit up like a Xmas tree on Saturday night…

But I digress.

The police are fools. What they should have done is when they first arrived on the scene, is to grab a couple of these pimple faced twats, given them a damn good thrashing, tied them to the bonnet of the police car and paraded them around the streets saying that there would be plenty more of where this came from if they all didn’t pull up their pants from around their knees and go home.

Or something like that.

And don’t lie to me - I know you’re all nodding your heads in agreement, even if in this politically correct world, you won’t admit it.

It was scary for me because I have a 7 year old and 4 year old. The 7 year old son is the easy one. But the daughter is the worry. This is the sort of stunt that she would pull. But she would invite 500 people round for the “before” party. Just to give her old man the shits.

Which is why we’re moving back to the US when the kids are teenagers. Because in the US, houses have things called basements. And basements have poles in them where fathers can handcuff their teenage daughters to for several years. And when they are 32, then, they can go and have a party. All 3 of them.

It’s hard for a teenage daughter to get pregnant on their first date when they’re having to talk thru one way bullet proof glass to their date…

Wish me luck. My wife reckons that I’ll be happy living on my own in a one bedroom apartment, sleeping on the floor…

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This entry was posted on Monday, January 14th, 2008 at 4:51 pm and is filed under Social Networking, Twitter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.